you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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