Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
