he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
