evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
