I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
