Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize