So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize