I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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