i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
