Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
