woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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