Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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