Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
