mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
