too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
