You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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