Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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