My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
