Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
