finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You left your phone here
Wait...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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