just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
then he tried to convert me to islam
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
