how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
