My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
