I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I don't deserve a penis
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
