A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
