I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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