Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
