imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He better not be in your backpack
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
