She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
