My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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