Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
