I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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