My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
you inspire me to be a worse person
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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