Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
