So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
