You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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