I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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