currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize