I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
