be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I wish there were birth control emojis
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
