You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
