If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Randomize