maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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