I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
