i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
