U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I can't turn off my feet"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I am naked and annoyed.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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