I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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