Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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