Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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