She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
