I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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