Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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