I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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