May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
