note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
