My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
