What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I don't think brook has ever known best
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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