I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
