you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
