3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
