how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
