i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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