so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
