I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
