Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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