will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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